2014, 6 years after I was diagnosed with MS, I didn’t just fight back, I rose out of the ashes of disease. I became vibrant and healthy, ready, willing and able to blaze a trial for anyone who was willing to heal.

What I didn’t know was that I was standing on a foundation made of quicksand. I was healthy and healed, grounded and balanced, forging a connection to my truth and personal power, but it wasn’t real.

I felt safe to stand my ground in the face of fear. In fact, I even said, ‘I’m not afraid anymore.’ I KNEW I was empowered.

I didn’t know, I was still connected to a source that only offered sustainable fuel/ nourishment as a reward and withheld it as punishment. I didn’t know that same connection would pull the rug out from underneath me and destroy my sense of security and personal power in one fell swoop.

When I was grounded, I was in the present moment. Being present was the nourishment I searched for so when I found it, I KNEW my purpose, I KNEW I was secure, I KNEW I could face anything. You could see how vibrant and alive I was in the 2014 picture. I had no idea I was rooted to something so fickle, so fake. I was healthy ….as long as ……. I kept my mouth shut…. As long as I played small…… as long as……the list of conditions is long and I wasn’t willing to pay that price with my life anymore.

I choose to speak.

I choose to heal.

I choose to live. And the ground caved in all around me, shattering delusions that I didn’t even know I was fighting hard to maintain.

The 2024, present day, picture is a vulnerable picture for me, but I used it anyway. I used it because I can. I can accept this is where I am right now.

YOGA, and all Her limbs, not just asanas, brought me back to life both in 2014 and now. And, today, present moment I am rising again, this time out of the ashes of a mental illness.

The 2024 picture is not a new beginning, but acceptance. This is where I am. I am in the midst of rising out of the ashes once again, which may not look perfect or beautiful, but at least this time, the connection, the YOGA, is real.

I realize now accepting and healing MS was just a stepping stone, designed to get my attention. I didn’t know there was so much more to heal. I didn’t know my autoimmune disease stemmed from a fragile mental state. If someone told me then, that I was on my way to transform Mental illness into Mental Health I don’t think I would have persevered.

And yet, what a gift! I’ve been able to dive deep into the mental illness within me, continue to practice YOGA through mostly meditation (which did bring me back to the movements) and choose AGAIN, to heal.

I can. I can continue to heal. I can accept that mental health is a practice too. I can accept and share the ups and downs of my journey with courage, as we are all One. And, again, blaze a trial, this time of Mental Health.